Darlene ChaniMaya Postma

An aspiring boss monster takes a minion horde gig.

Since the day he was reanimated, Archer Skeleton dreamed of being a hated franchise boss monster. He studied bosscraft at the Booliard School for Performing Arts and Monsters, graduating with academic honors. Among his myriad achievements, his attack pattern work led the field in smashed keyboards among gamers aged 13–62.

None of this seemed to matter during his interview with the pixel monster staffing agent. Archer thought the agent would be a little more welcoming, perhaps even thanking him for bringing them his talents. Instead, she seemed distracted. She slid him an envelope across the table from a large identical stack.

“Vampire Survivors is hiring immediately. Army of darkness. All pixel monsters, all backgrounds. You start today.”

Archer steepled his bony fingers, nodding his skull ponderously. He opened the envelope with relish, and read his assignment:

Vampire Survivors Skeleton Var 2 235091825

HP: 10

Power: 10

Speed: 100

If he had a heart, it would have wilted. Archer swallowed his pride (despite having no esophagus) to thank the agent. After all, work was work, and the benefits package was good.

Plus, if anyone could transform some no-name skeleton into a stakes-raising, franchise-defining boss character, it would be Archer Skeleton!

Archer began to collect his things.

“Oh, you won’t need those,” said the agent, pointing to his quiver full of arrows and bow.

Archer assumed he misheard, and departed.

---

THE MAD FOREST

Things had started promising. Archer reported to the game, and found himself in an enormous field of green.

This field of green stretched on as far as the eyes could see, and housed as many monsters. The other monsters seemed to be waiting for something, possibly to be called to the level for a player.

Archer assumed the field was an enormous cast green room. This boded well. Any award-winning, internationally successful game such as Vampire Survivors could afford such a wide, comfortable space to house monsters before sending them to the game level! This would be a good place to hone his craft.

Archer flagged down a Giant Bat and asked where he might read up on game lore.

“There is no lore,” flapped the Giant Bat. “I mean, it’s pretty much Castlevania.”

Confused, Archer jogged after a passing Ghost, and asked how to get to the game level.

“You’re already heeeeere,” wailed the Ghost, gliding away.

Just then, the mob of monsters started to shuffle towards the sound of explosions over the horizon. Archer joined them.

After a moment, he realized what the Ghost had meant. He was already in the game! The Mad Forest was the level. As the horde marched, Archer brandished his bow and tried to look for cover from which he could loose arrows on the poor, unsuspecting player.

He reached for his quiver, and found his arrows were missing.

“Where are my arrows?” Arched asked a fellow Skeleton, perplexed.

“We don’t shoot or throw weapons,” said Skeleton Var 6, who held a spear. “We walk into the player.”

“We walk into the player? But we’re ranged!” Concerned for his hearing, Archer stuck a bony finger into his skull earhole and rotated it. “There must be a mistake.”

Skeleton Var 6 shook its skull. “We walk at the player. We die. We respawn. We walk at them again.”

“How I can contact the designers?” asked Archer. “After all, I studied Game Design at Booliard.”

The other Skeleton did not seem impressed. Archer thought it looked annoyed. Something unrelated must have come up, because the other Skeleton quickly melted back into the crowd of monsters without saying goodbye.

God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers, he reminded himself.

The horde marched closer. Archer began to see the flashes of player weaponry. No matter the assignment, Archer decided his years of technique and training would give him an edge. He would thrive here.

Archer held his skull high. Time to show this player what I’m made of!

---

Archer Skeleton was killed off-screen by a Level 1 Lightning Ring jolt by a player running from a 150HP Mantichana. Archer dropped 1 Experience Gem (2 XP) which lay uncollected for the next 24 minutes as the player continued strafing east before restarting the run. The player never saw Archer or knew he existed.

At time of writing, Archer is still part of Vampire Survivors. He has become a Union Leader for the Mad Forest Brotherhood of Skeletons, and is advocating to allow Skeletons with ranged weapons to fire projectiles.

Archer still dreams of becoming a household name in hated boss monsters. He is continuing to study bosscraft, and is accepting design docs.

Archer is represented by K8 Bit, PMA (Pixel Monsters Agency).